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This blog has no title because i cant find the words to name it , maybe because im really having a confusing day really. this blog may even confuse you sorry if it does...

I have so many feeling running around my head and my body feels weird and has done for 65 days , the word grief what does that really mean cos i know how I FEEL but i cant speak for any body else , but i know other people feel grief , not just for them selves , but for their family and their friends. I know i feel empty , confused , angry , lonely (but no i am not), tired but wired, i ache , im hungry but cant eat a whole meal, wanting feeling not knowing what you want but then u realise what you want , you want something that is not possible and brain-dead but have soo many unanswered question that can never be answered...

My mum always said to me it don't matter how big your problems are there's always someone out there feeling the same or may even be worse but we can never really understand how they feel because all or problems are different and people feel different things . Just because i hurt please dont think you cant share your hurt with me,

In the last 10 months i have met some outstanding people in my life and not in the best circumstances , but do you not i would not change any of it for the world , they are part of my life , my story they have become my friends ,my ears , they have just been themselves ..

I really want to thank them personally .If i forget people i am sorry

Dr Wilf Kelsall , our amazing cardiac dr , he was always there for us , always honest and treat us like adults and kept us informed of everything and all my repeated and weird questions. He is a man i will remember you forever.

Kristi Bono Pena - The first fellow mum , who found me when i was lost and on my own and she introduced to a family of people and i became more aware i am not the only one , but also she has been my friend , she has been kind to me, compassionate to me , caring , loving prayers sent my way , she supported me through confusing and life changing time , i want to thank her from the bottom of my heart Love you , xxxxxxxxxxxx

Kristine and Cora - I have only recently got to know them through devestating circumstances, they give me hope , inspiration they bring me joy, tears , love, and most of all they show me that people can change the world and saves lives . love to you both xxxx


MANY MANY CHD friends,family I wish we never had to meet like this , it nots what we planned , but getting to know you all has brought me knowledge , some level of understanding, and i dont think i would change it.. xx This was our journey and we are living it separately but together.. Love to you all.xxxx

MY fb friends , whom have been very understanding patient with me help us all spread awareness, with all the blogs and pages i have posted , YOU all have helped me more than you could understand and the many people who have sponsored us , YOU have raised £585 in Isla name and Many many thanks xxxx

To my friends , who have been them selves and supported me , tried to understand me , tried to make me laugh , help raise money , put things together for me , brought me chocolate and ice cream. just been you has been enough I love you all very much

AND MY FAMILY , well for just being my family , words can not describe the love i feel for you , you have kept me going through good times and bad times i am soo glad i have a family as wonderful as,LOVE you very much

THANKS EVERYONE YOU All HELPING Xxxxxxxx




K