1 week and 1 day

Where to begin ,

THIS BLOG IS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW SOO WILL NOT MAKE SENSE , OR IT MIGHT BUT I NEED TO GET THIS OUT SOME HOW

emontions are running high at the moment its my babies birthday in 1 week and 1 day its the 1st birthday of my babies .

I am sitting here with blurry eyes because i cant stop crying , I miss my baby soooooo much i don't want to hide it any more ..

I have tried my hardest to be strong , but now it just going to come out , in one way ore another but at this moment in time i am heart broken and the ironic thing is my child did have a broken heart and only god could fix it WHY WHY WHY ???

I ask my self daily why me , but the thing is its not just me, other parents have too feel this pain also and thats hurts me too because i wish no one would have to feel this pain ,

I will TRY to describe it its indescribable emptiness and sorrow and confusion and anger and body aches , and that's all before i even open my eyes in the morning when you lie there and think was that a bad dream i had then , i go tooo the room where both of my babies slept and see just one cot then i die all over agian ,

I am trying my very hardest to be a mummy to freya and i count my self very very very lucky and proud shes my daughter because she does bring peace and comfort and of course lots of joy too, but too watch her also brings me lots of heart ache too because i see my baby grow , i miss Isla even more because she should be doing it also she should be walking round my furniture,, she should be calling me mummy , she should be playing with her sister too.

In a week and and day i am supposed to celebrate the birth of my babies , and I WILL try my dam hardest for the memory of my my sweet angel baby Isla rose and celebrate the beautiful life to come off freya mae, because i am very proud of both my children and for the rest of my life i will have the memory of Isla and the wonderful gift of freya , because whom ever may read this believe my i am very greatful for having being blessed with twins , but there is also the heart ache too to watch a sister grow with out her other half is heart breaking too.

I know this blog may seem very random and Me i am a very random person and the more life has come my way the more random i have got ..

I want to end this blog but i dont know how i have soooo many things going on in my head i want to get it all out and i cant beacuse its confusing I CONFUSED ,Anyone who isn' confused really doesn't understand the situation.